What age does the ‘rebellious phase’ usually occur? How should you communicate with a child going through it?

As parents, watching your little ones gradually move from being well-behaved, adorable angels into their rebellious phase can inevitably leave you feeling emotionally and physically exhausted. In fact, as children grow, they gradually become less dependent on their parents, begin to seek independence and express themselves, and may consequently display rebellious behaviour. If this is not handled appropriately, it could lead to parent–child conflicts. So, at what age does the rebellious phase usually occur? What are its characteristics? What should parents be aware of? This time, 10Life will share the characteristics of the rebellious phase with parents and teach you how to communicate with rebellious children, so that you can navigate this crucial stage of their development together. 

Although the rebellious phase can be a source of frustration for many parents, it is in fact an inevitable stage of a child’s development. During this phase, children begin to explore their identity, become less dependent on their parents and develop a sense of self. However, as their minds are not yet fully mature, they may be unable to express their thoughts and inner conflicts clearly. They often express themselves impulsively or defiantly, leading to conflicts with their parents. 

Every child displays different behaviours during their rebellious phase. Generally speaking, the rebellious phase can be divided into 3 stages: the toddler rebellious phase, the childhood rebellious phase and the adolescent rebellious phase. However, every child displays different behaviours during their rebellious phase. Common rebellious behaviours include:

• Displaying strong feelings of dissatisfaction
• Disagreeing with their parents and frequently arguing
• Being cold and distant, causing their relationship with their parents to become tense
• Challenging their parents’ authority and insisting on having their own way 

Children display rebellious behaviour at different ages. As mentioned above, the rebellious phase can be divided into 3 stages. By understanding the rebellious phase at each stage, parents can gain a deeper understanding of their children’s psychological development.

Early Childhood Rebellious Phase: 2 to 4 years old

At this stage, children’s self-awareness gradually begins to develop. They long to express themselves and hope to gain more autonomy. However, due to their limited language skills, they often use rebellious behaviour to express their inner needs.

Common behaviours include:

• Crying and throwing tantrums to express dissatisfaction or gain attention
• When they feel frustrated or dissatisfied, they may display intense emotional reactions, such as throwing toys or other objects around
• Frequently saying “no” to reject anything they do not like

Childhood Rebellious Phase: 7 to 12 years old

At this stage, children become curious about the world around them and long for independence and autonomy. By imitating the adults around them, they learn their behaviour and ways of thinking, hoping to become “grown-ups” themselves.

Common behaviours include:

• Talking back, deliberately taking the opposite view and questioning their parents’ suggestions
• Refusing to admit their mistakes when they make them
• Strongly objecting when their demands are not met

Adolescent Rebellious Phase: 12 to 15 years old

Upon entering adolescence, children actively explore their identity, develop an independent personality and long to break free from their parents’ constraints. They may question their parents’ opinions and even display rebellious behaviour. At the same time, children undergo psychological and physical changes and face greater pressure, such as academic pressure and the pursuit of peer acceptance, making them more emotionally sensitive.

Common behaviours include:

• Frequently questioning their parents’ decisions and displaying a strongly defiant attitude
• Trying to prove that they are capable of making the right judgements
• Becoming impatient with their parents’ concern, and even deliberately appearing cold or distant
• Adolescent children begin to demand more privacy and hide their inner thoughts 

Communicating with children going through their rebellious phase is undoubtedly a major challenge. Parents may wish to refer to the following communication techniques to build a close parent–child relationship:

Reduce criticism and blame, and share more of your genuine feelings

When children behave inappropriately or in ways that are difficult to accept, reprimanding or belittling them too quickly can easily make them feel angry and lead them to rebel. Conversely, if parents can calmly express their genuine feelings, such as concern or disappointment, children may find it easier to develop empathy and take responsibility for their actions. For example, if your child comes home late at night, instead of reprimanding them immediately, try sharing your genuine feelings, such as unease and anxiety. This may help your child reflect on their behaviour.

Acceptance, respect and patience

Parents’ emotions directly affect their children’s emotions. When children are emotionally agitated, parents are advised to remain calm, steadily accept their children’s feelings and respond calmly. This can help soothe children’s emotions while creating a peaceful space in which they will be more willing to open up and share their inner world.

Understand your child’s inner world

Children in their rebellious phase are going through a critical period of physical and psychological development. Their minds are filled with confusion and conflicting emotions, but as their thinking is not yet mature, they may express themselves in extreme ways. Parents can make a greater effort to understand their children’s inner world and maintain a good parent–child relationship through appropriate sharing and communication.

Proactively share your life experiences

If a good habit of communication has not been established with children in daily life, they may often feel isolated and helpless when they encounter difficulties, and may not know how to express their feelings. Parents can proactively share more of their own life experiences, foster an atmosphere of family communication and care, and help children express their thoughts and feelings more courageously. 

Adolescence is an important turning point in a child’s physical and psychological development. In addition to paying attention to their children’s physical health, parents should also monitor their mental wellbeing at all times. Current Voluntary Health Insurance Scheme plans include psychiatric treatment in their coverage, providing children with more comprehensive protection. However, it is important to note that the coverage limits and scope vary between plans, so you should understand the relevant details clearly before taking out a policy. To make things more convenient for parents, 10Life has compared different Voluntary Health Insurance Scheme plans and introduced a rating system designed by actuaries. Alternatively, you can contact 10Life’s professional insurance advisers to help you compare insurance products fairly and find a suitable option.

Further reading:

【Insurance for Young Children】What medical insurance is best for kindergarten children?

【Children’s Insurance】Starting primary school: compare medical insurance premiums and coverage

Sources:

1. Child Welfare League Foundation, “How should you educate children during their rebellious phase? The Child Welfare League Foundation discusses principles of educating and communicating with children during their rebellious phase”
   https://www.children.org.tw/news/news_detail/rebellious-stage
2. Accompanying your child through their rebellious phase: parent–child communication skills
   https://epaper.ntuh.gov.tw/health/201301/child_2.html 

Last updated: 10 October 2024
 

This English version of this article has been generated by machine translation powered by AI. It is provided solely for reference purposes. In the event of any discrepancy or inconsistency between this translation and the original Chinese version, the Chinese version shall prevail.