【Rebellious Phase】What age does it usually occur at? How do you communicate with children going through a rebellious phase?

As parents, watching your child change from an obedient, adorable little angel into the rebellious phase can inevitably leave you exhausted. In fact, as children grow they gradually become less dependent on their parents, start seeking independence and expressing themselves, and may begin to show some rebellious behaviors that, if handled poorly, can trigger parent–child conflicts. So at what age does the rebellious phase usually occur? What are its characteristics? What should parents be aware of? This time, 10Life will share the characteristics of the rebellious phase with parents and teach you how to communicate with kids going through it, so you can get through this critical stage of your child’s development together.  

Although the rebellious phase can give many parents a headache, it is actually a necessary stage in a child’s development. During this phase, children begin to explore their identity, become less dependent on their parents, and develop a sense of self. However, because their minds are not yet fully mature and they cannot properly express their inner thoughts and conflicts, they often express themselves impulsively and defiantly, leading to conflicts with their parents.  

Every child displays different behavioral patterns during the rebellious phase. Generally speaking, the rebellious phase can be divided into three stages: toddler rebellion, childhood rebellion, and adolescent rebellion. However, each child exhibits different behaviors during this period. Common rebellious behaviors include:

• Displaying strong feelings of dissatisfaction
• Disagreeing with parents and frequently arguing
• Being indifferent or distant, with the relationship with parents becoming strained
• Challenging parental authority and insisting on their own views 

Children display corresponding rebellious behaviors at different ages, and as mentioned above, the rebellious period is mainly divided into three stages. Parents can gain a deeper understanding of their children's psychological development by learning about these different stages.

Toddler rebellious period: 2 to 4 years

At this stage, children's self-awareness gradually emerges; they long to express themselves and want more autonomy. But because their language skills are limited, they often use rebellious behavior to express their inner needs.

Common behaviors include:

• Crying and tantrums to express dissatisfaction or gain attention
• When they feel frustrated or unhappy, they may show strong emotional reactions, such as throwing toys or other objects
• Frequently saying "no" to refuse anything they dislike

Child rebellious period: 7 to 12 years

Children at this stage are curious about the world around them and desire independence. They imitate adults around them, learning their behaviors and ways of thinking, hoping to become "grown-ups".

Common behaviors include:

• Talking back, contradicting, and questioning parents' advice
• Refusing to admit mistakes when they are wrong
• Expressing strong opposition when their requests are not met

Adolescent rebellious period: 12 to 15 years

When entering puberty, children actively explore their identity, build their own independent personalities, and yearn to break free from parental constraints. They will question their parents' opinions and may even display rebellious behavior. At the same time, they also undergo psychological and physical changes and face greater pressures, such as academic stress and the pursuit of peer acceptance, becoming more emotionally sensitive.

Common manifestations include:

• Frequently questioning parents' decisions and showing strong defiant attitudes
• Trying to prove they are capable of making the right judgments
• Responding to parental concern with impatience, even deliberately appearing indifferent or distant
• Adolescents begin to demand more privacy and hide their inner thoughts 

Communicating with children during their rebellious phase is undoubtedly a major challenge. Parents might consider the following communication tips to build a close parent-child relationship with their children:

Reduce criticism and blame; share more of your genuine feelings

When children behave inappropriately or in ways that are hard to accept, if parents are quick to blame or belittle them, it can make them feel angry and lead them to rebel. Conversely, if parents can calmly express their true feelings—such as worry or disappointment—children are more likely to feel empathy and take responsibility for their actions. For example, if a child comes home late at night, rather than immediately scolding them, try sharing your genuine feelings with them, such as unease and anxiety; this will make it more likely the child will reflect on their behavior.

Acceptance, respect, and patience

Parents' emotions directly affect their children's emotions. When a child is emotionally upset, parents are advised to remain calm, steadily acknowledge the child's feelings, and respond in a composed manner; this can soothe the child's emotions and create a calm space that makes the child more willing to open up and share their inner world.

Understand the child's inner world

Children in the rebellious phase are at a critical stage of physical and psychological development; their minds are full of confusion and contradictions, but because their thinking is still immature, they may express themselves in extreme ways. Parents can try to better understand their child's inner world and, through appropriate sharing and communication, maintain a healthy parent-child relationship.

Actively share life experiences

If parents have not established good communication habits with their children, when the child encounters difficulties they often feel isolated and helpless and don't know how to express their feelings. Parents can proactively share their own life experiences to create an atmosphere of family communication and care, which will help the child be braver in expressing their thoughts and feelings. 

The rebellious phase is an important turning point in a child's physical and mental development. In addition to paying attention to their children's physical health, parents should also constantly monitor their mental well‑being. Currently, voluntary health insurance plans already include psychiatry in their coverage, offering children more comprehensive protection. However, note that coverage limits and scope vary between plans, so before purchasing a policy you should clearly understand the relevant details. To make things easier for parents, 10Life compared different voluntary health insurance plans, introduced a rating system designed by actuaries, or contact 10Life's professional insurance advisors to help everyone compare insurance products fairly and find the right option.

Further reading:

[Preschool Insurance] Kindergarten children: What medical insurance should parents buy?

[Children's Insurance] Elementary school students starting school — compare medical insurance premiums and coverage

Sources:

1. Children's Alliance “How to teach rebellious children? The Child Welfare Alliance discusses principles of parenting and communication during the rebellious stage”
   https://www.children.org.tw/news/news_detail/rebellious-stage
2. Taiwan — Accompanying children through the rebellious stage ~ Parent-child communication skills
   https://epaper.ntuh.gov.tw/health/201301/child_2.html 

Last updated: October 10, 2024
 

This English version of this article has been generated by machine translation powered by AI. It is provided solely for reference purposes. In the event of any discrepancy or inconsistency between this translation and the original Chinese version, the Chinese version shall prevail.